I’ve mentioned before that I’m a very positive person. This is a helpful personality trait most of the time. But today I’m going to talk about a difficulty common to optimists: we tend to ignore circumstance.
The opportunities in our lives have two components. One is circumstance, which includes external factors such as people, timing, environment, and resources. The other is attitude, which encompasses our belief about what’s possible, our enthusiasm, resilience, persistence, curiosity, and all those go-getter traits.
Circumstance defines your opportunity. It provides metrics and limits that help you understand the objective.
Attitude fuels your opportunity. It provides energy and motivation. It drives us to find connections and build forward momentum.
Some people suffer from a lack of attitude. All they see is a jumble of circumstances and no potential. They don’t easily recognize patterns or clues.
I have the opposite problem. When I let my positivity go unchecked, I barely notice circumstance. I can look at any situation and think, “Wow, this could really be something. It could be anything!”
But it can’t.
A couple of days ago, I decided to leave a big project behind: my job. It took me a long time to make this decision because I believed I should have the power to transform that opportunity into anything I wanted. I had so much to work with! I had resources, great people, plenty of ingredients.
When I was honest with myself, though, I realized that what I wanted to make and what those ingredients wanted to be didn’t match. Finally, I began to understand circumstance for what it is — a valuable creative force, just like attitude.
Ignoring circumstance is like trying to be an alchemist. Or it’s like trying to make lemon scones when your pantry is stocked with potatoes and chicken broth. Better to go to the store than plow full speed ahead with your initial plan.
Attitude has supported me since day one. As far as I can tell, I was born with it. But my appreciation of circumstance is an acquired taste. It’s a product of observation and hard-earned wisdom.
Do pessimists experience the opposite? Are they born attuned to circumstance, aware of limits, and then grow to comprehend potential? Either way, I’m now convinced we must appreciate both if we want opportunities to work in our favor.
When I made the decision to leave my job, a good friend lent me a book called Difficult Conversations from the Harvard Negotiation Project. The best tip it offered was to think of ourselves as complex individuals. We get into trouble when we rely on labels like optimist or pessimist, because anytime we take a stand that contradicts our limited view of ourselves, we question our entire identity.
The book pointed me in a better direction. It helped me make room for two very different perspectives. In the past, I viewed circumstance as an excuse for failure. But I walk away from this experience with new-found respect for its influence in my life. Circumstance shapes our lives. It’s the landscape on which our attitudes are supported, shaped, and inspired.
Photo by arinas74.
© 2012 Sara Martin
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Wow, what an article. This really made me think, as I’m a lot like you in the attitude optimism department. I can think of numerous times I should have listened to circumstance instead of forging ahead. It would have saved days or years. For example, we used to run our own production facility making the t-shirts and promotional products we sell. Even though all along I knew I wasn’t a manufacturing guy, I did it anyways because “why not, I can do this”. Big mistake. Years later and hundreds of thousands of dollars spent we shut it down to focus on the technology, sales, and marketing. Best business decision we’ve made.
Thinking more about it, I wonder if the attitude optimists actually do see the circumstance but choose to ignore it? For me, it usually appears in my gut but my attitude overwhelms the subtle hints my gut is telling me.
Thanks for all your writing Sara. You’re one of the very few bloggers who’s articles go right into my email (vs shunned to RSS) and are actually read. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the great comment (and compliments)! I can totally identify with that struggle of when to recognize the limits around us and when to dismiss them. Such a critical balance.
I wish there was some fail-proof warning system that could tell us when we’re optimistically marching down the wrong path. I guess I’ll have to settle for nuance and uncertainty. That’s life! But hopefully it gets easier with practice.
Thanks for reading!
Sara, as usual you are singin’ my tune!
One more point, if I may: Optimists often see opportunities where pessimists see barriers. I think that positive outlook can help you see the breaks in the barriers.
Congratulations on this leap of faith!
Yes, that is one of the strengths I’m glad to have. Most of the time it’s helpful. It’s just when I let it go unchecked that I end up spinning my wheels. Thanks for your comment, Angela, and the congratulations!
Sara,
We are at Tilghman and came to the library to check email. I loved your post and was very surprised to see that you left your job. Sounds like you are happy with the decision.
Keep in touch-I like your thoughts on life.
Joy
Thanks, Joy! It’s been a whirlwind week between leaving a firm I’ve been with for so long and accepting a new position. But, yes, I am very happy. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Fascinating thoughts. I’m not sure which category I’d come into (maybe it depends on how I’m feeling on the day), but I do come across many of the ‘pessimists’, who are completely focussed on circumstances in my work. If you manage to get them to see the opportunities and get them enthused, they can also be your staunchest allies in getting a project through to completion.
So true. It is absolutely worth our time to win doubters over to our viewpoints. Not only does it teach us a valuable skill, but it wins us a lot of support. And if we have an idea we just can’t sell, it’s a good indication we need to look for a way to improve. Great point!
“I can look at any situation and think, “Wow, this could really be something. It could be anything!”…
people love relating to themselves through others…I instantly thought, (insert musical notes) ‘me, me, me, me, me, me, meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” (insert musical notes). Nail on the head!!! ..so thankful that you helped me flesh out this similarity and my life. Of course, I focus on its opportunities, but it is paramount we acknowledge the restraints…How big is the slingshot really? Or, is it even a slingshot at all?!?? ole’ rose colored glasses…
Please never stop writing! You give me such inspiration, focus, drive. We’re going to have to start a fan club soon!! (I guess that is your blog :)..
I heard an AMAZING quote recently. “The grass is greener where you water it.”…I look forward to seeing your new lawn! :D
Best of luck! <3
Hahaha, reading this comment was like sitting next to you. I can totally imagine you singing your insight…love it! And thanks for that awesome quote, I’m totally going to use that. Especially to myself — it’s a reminder I could use every day! Thanks, Betsy :)
Congratulations Sara on your decision, of taking control of your circumstances!
@Betsy – loved the quote too
Thank you so much!
Well where did you go to work? Who gets the goodies now??????????? I shall miss your smiling face. I love your blog so keep up the good work! Oh yeah, congratulations!
Haha, thanks, Diane! I got a job with Knoxville’s MPC, in the Smart Trips program. A big change, but that’s what I was looking for! Thanks for commenting.